Admittedly, having changed dramatically since the time that I first saw her, she was older, more weathered, more worn; and yet, somehow -- by some miracle, some higher power – as majestic as she had ever been, reigning with a beauty so profound that it made those like me ache with pride and gratitude –it seemed almost impossible that she be more powerful and stunning after age and wear – even now, a most commanding presence, never alone but always above those that surround her – my beacon of hope and freedom – with her torch held high, Lady Liberty still stands.
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I felt this was one of the best sentences of all. You kept beautiful flow throughout the entire sentence and provided a perfect example of how a periodic sentence is meant to be written. The adjectives such as weathered and worn lead the reader at first to believe you are speaking of a woman who has barely withstood the wear and tear of a long life, but then you counter with adjectives like “majestic” and “beautiful” that completely contrast your previous descriptions. It leaves the reader begging for the answer to this “miracle.” You continue to give more revealing hints with “pride,” “gratitude,” “hope,” and “freedom,” finally concluding with the subject of your sentence, Lady Liberty. The way your sentence unfolded, giving the reader more and more revealing adjectives as the sentence went on, is a very effective style. It keeps the reader guessing and begging for an answer. Your choice of Lady Liberty, instead of “the Statue of Liberty,” is more personable and therefore makes a larger impact on the reader. The structure of the sentence is sound, and grammatically speaking there aren't any noticeable errors. I couldn't think of any more fitting description of Lady Liberty, I think you nailed it on the head.
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ReplyDeleteI was spoilt for choice in this exercise; some of the sentences conjured such vivid imagery that you almost felt like you were part of the scene, and others were downright quirky (see CHUMBAW0W0W’s post above). Nonetheless, they all demonstrated creative flair for the written sentence and proved that longer sentences did not have to sound forced.
ReplyDeleteStumbling upon rose13’s periodic sentence however, I was moved by the sheer simplicity of the prose, and I knew immediately that this was one of the most elegantly written pieces of the lot.
The author begins with a simple leading entry, and deftly weaves a little of her own history into the sentence. We know that the author has seen the subject some time ago, possibly during her childhood years. I must admit that I first thought that the individual was her grandmother, which further deepens the impact this sentence creates. With an apt twist at the end, I think it was superb how the author was able to play on our preconceived notions and perceptions on what it means to be old and weathered – one would think that it described the complexion of someone she knows, who has endured one too many of life’s tribulations, only for us to find out that it was nothing like we guessed.
The scales soon begin to tip when the author uses adjectival phrases such as “majestic as she had ever been” and “reigning with a beauty so profound”, which create an almost regal impression of the subject of the sentence. Maybe the author was talking about someone of royal blood, or a figure of authority? All these unanswered questions keep readers enthralled and she gradually unfolds the layers of her sentence, never giving away too much in a single line.
However, readers might begin to guess that something is amiss when the author goes on about how the subject “made those like me ache with pride and gratitude”, and how there was a certain awe and power associated with the subject. We also picture the towering subject, something that is a representation of an ideal and a “beacon of hope and freedom”.
Eventually, we are let in on a pivotal clue: “with her torch held high”, which suddenly brings everything full circle – the adjectives and phrases that clue us in on her age was used to describe the age of the copper (which oxidized to give it a familiar patina green coating). The noble and magnificent image that was crafted by rose13 clearly shows the patriotism it inspires in all those who view it, herself included. The sentence constructed encapsulates the fervent patriotism that the subject instills in all Americans, the kind of patriotism associated with what it means to be an American, enviable by everyone the world over, and epitomized by Lady Liberty.
Side Note: I feel that Mr. McGibblets’s comment, “Your choice of Lady Liberty, instead of “the Statue of Liberty,” is more personable and therefore makes a larger impact on the reader.” Is a wonderful observation, and it definitely highlights the closeness of Lady Liberty to the author.